Elizabethtown

Pretty much a disaster on all counts, the latest film from Cameron Crowe ("Almost Famous") bears little resemblance to life as we know it. From its ridiculous characterizations to its unbelievable plotlines, it takes contrivance to a whole new level. Trapped in the center of the movie is Orlando Bloom as the opaque Drew Baylor, a hotshot designer whose latest creation, a running shoe called, improbably, the Spasmotica, has just stiffed in the stores, costing his company nearly a billion dollars. Unemployed and suicidal, Drew then finds out his father has died and is dispatched by his family to pick up the body.

"Elizabethtown," which also stars Kirsten Dunst in a wretched performance as an oddball flight attendant, doesn't make a whole lot of sense, stereotypes its Southern characters, and is gratingly unfunny when it's not being painfully solemn. Supposedly, the film is a work in progress and is still being tinkered with by its director (though it opens just a month after its Toronto Fest bow, at which it appeared complete), but he'd be better off jettisoning the whole thing. Starring Orlando Bloom, Kirsten Dunst and Susan Sarandon. Directed and written by Cameron Crowe. Produced by Tom Cruise, Paula Wagner and Cameron Crowe. A Paramount release. Drama. Rated PG-13 for language and some sexual references. Running time: 138 min