Weekend Cinema Listomania (Special Dirty Pictures Edition)

on May 23, 2008 by Steve Simels

Well, that Sex and the City movie hits the theaters in just a few days now, and women all over the world are apparently at the absolute edge of wetness in anticipation. Me, I'm largely agnostic about the whole thing. The show was okay, I suppose, but I could never really get past the original Candace Bushnell New York Observer columns on which it was (admittedly loosely) based; frankly, the picture they painted of the whole thing between men and women was so deeply shallow, manipulative and creepy that I actually despaired of being human after reading them. And in any case, I doubt the film of the series will have anything to say about the subject that comes anywhere near the transcendent insights of this classic 1972 sequence starring Gene Wilder and a sheep.

That's the signature episode from Woody Allen's Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex (But Were Afraid to Ask), of course, and its final shot of Wilder on the Bowery drinking Woolite® is still probably the funniest cinematic commentary on romantic obsession anybody this side of Scorsese has ever come up with.

But in any case, the weekend is upon us and as usual things will be mostly quiet around here until Monday. So while we wait, here's an obviously relevant little project to tide us all over --

Hottest Sex and/or Seduction Scene in a Non X-Rated Movie!!!!

Okay, here's my totally top of my head Top Five.

5. Titanic (James Cameron -- 1997) Say what you will about this, but in the scene where Leonard DiCaprio and Kate Winslet go at it in the back of that antique car you really believe it when the window fogs up.

4. Stakeout (John Badham -- 1987) Madeleine Stowe sucks Richard Dreyfuss's fingers and perhaps I've already said too much.

3. Some Like it Hot (Billy Wilder -- 1959) Forget Marilyn and Tony Curtis -- if the "Nobody's perfect" finale between Joe. E. Brown and Jack Lemmon isn't true love, then what is?

2. The Big Easy (Jim McBride -- 1987) Ellen Barkin: That's OK. I never did have much luck with sex anyway. Dennis Quaid: Your luck's about to change, cher.

And the number one, no question about it, who are we kidding it's not even a contest, is --

1. To Catch a Thief (Alfred Hitchcock -- 1957) Grace Kelly [She sits alluringly on the couch, displaying both her necklace and bare decolletage] to Cary Grant: "Give up, John. Admit who you are. Even in this light, I can tell where your eyes are looking. [He sits down.] Look, John. Hold them. Diamonds. Only thing in the world you can't resist. Then tell me you don't know what I'm talking about. [She kisses his fingers, one by one, then puts her necklace in the palm of his hand.] Ever had a better offer in your whole life? One with everything?"

They kiss and then behind them -- as seen in their window overlooking the Riviera -- fireworks explode.

Top that one, folks.

Okay -- what would your choices be?

Tags: Candace Bushnell, Sex and the City, Gene Wilder, Titanic, Stakeout, Some Like it Hot, The Big Easy

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