I Got Yer Modern Stoneage Family Right Here!

on June 12, 2008 by Steve Simels
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Well, the home video event of the week is unquestionably Lionsgate's release of deluxe box sets featuring nine rarely seen films starring screen icons Sophia Loren and Catherine Deneuve. So of course, what's really got me excited is the advance DVD I just got of 10,000 BC, the latest fantasy adventure from Roland Emmerich, prolific auteur of such suspension-of-disbelief epics as Godzilla and Independence Day.

The plot:

In a remote mountain tribe, young hunter D'Leh has found his heart's passion -- the beautiful Evolet. But when a band of mysterious warlords raid his village and kidnap her, D'Leh leads a small group of hunters to pursue the warlords to the end of the world to save her. Driven by destiny, the unlikely warriors brave the harshest elements as they uncover a lost civilization and learn their ultimate fate lies in an empire beyond imagination.

In other words, it's Mel Gibson's Apocalypto without the Mayan dick jokes, and god bless Emmerich for the wonderful work he's doing. I should also add that the film is highly educational. For example, until I saw it in theaters earlier this year, I had no idea whatsoever that the ancient Egyptians built the pyramids with the help of CGI wooly mammoths.

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In any case, as you can tell from the title, the film is also a very loose remake of -- well, let's just say it's obviously inspired by -- the 1966 One Million Years B.C., a cheesy cavemen VS dinosaurs epic that not only anticipated today's Creationism arguments but also spawned the famous Raquel Welch poster that provided inspiration of sorts for countless adolescent boys back in the day [sobering thought: many of the kids who touched themselves while staring at the poster now hold positions of power and responsibility. Sleep well, America!] The 1966 film was itself based on the 1940 One Million B.C., whose risible footage of lizards with glued-on appendages pretending to be dinosaurs was recycled in countless B-flicks over the years. However, since it starred Victor Mature, the less said about it the better.

In any case, the Warner Home Video version of the new film -- in stores June 24 -- features a gorgeous widescreen transfer (the disc also has the full-frame version), plus "an exciting alternate ending" (spoiler alert: It's a sled!) and "awesome additional scenes."

I'm not supposed to do this, and please don't tell anybody, but here's one of them. It's an early F/X test of one of the movie's scariest monsters, and I think you'll agree it is indeed awesome.

Okay, obviously, it looked better in the finished film.

Tags: Roland Emmerich, Godzilla, Independence Day, Mel Gibson, Apocalypto, One Million Years B.C., Raquel Welch
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